Ellen DeGeneres Gives a Hilarious Glimpse at What It Would Be Like If She Hosted the Oscars Instead of Chris Rock – E! Online

Ellen DeGeneres, The Ellen DeGeneres Show

Ellen DeGeneres, The Ellen DeGeneres ShowMichael Rozman/Warner Bros.

Ellen DeGeneres might have been the real winner of the 2014 Oscars.

Viewers and critics alike praised the comedienne’s second stint as host of the Academy Awards. And, of course, DeGeneres’ star-studded selfie with Angelina Jolie, Jared Leto, Lupita Nyong’o, Channing Tatum and more became one of the most retweeted photos in history. Neil Patrick Harris succeeded her in 2015, and this year, Chris Rock is returning to the show after previously hosting the 77th Annual Academy Awards in 2005. In fact, in a recent interview with The Hollywood Reporter, Rock joked that he only accepted the gig “because Ellen said no.”

Had DeGeneres returned to host the show for a third time, it might have looked something like her monologue on The Ellen DeGeneres Show Friday. “The Oscars are on Sunday. You excited about that?” she asked her studio audience, who cheered wildly. “Yes. The Oscars are on Sunday because the best way to end Black History Month is to have the whitest Oscars ever.”

“It’s just the truth. I’m just speaking the truth. It’s very exciting. They’ve already rolled out the red carpet at the theater and Jennifer Lawrence has already tripped on it, already. She falls a lot, so…” the 27-time Emmy Award winner joked. “Eight movies are nominated for Best Picture. And I know you’re all busy—maybe you didn’t have time to see all the movies. So, I thought I would help you out and tell you a little about them, so you get invested when you watch.”

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With the help of her executive producer Andy Lassner, DeGeneres ran through the eight titles competing for the top prize. “This is The Big Short, everybody. This is about the financial crisis of 2008 when the housing market burst and millions of people lost their homes,” DeGeneres explained. “More importantly, Ryan Gosling is shirtless so you should see it.” Lassner then switched The Big Short poster for Bridge of Spies. “This is about a bunch of spies who get together at night and play bridge with an adorable grandson played by Tom Hanks,” she said.

Wait, what?

“I have no idea,” DeGeneres admitted. “I didn’t see it.”

She described Brooklyn as “a very sweet story about an Irish girl who finds true love with an Italian boy in Brooklyn. It’s also known by the original title, The Movie With Severe Accents.”

Lassner then brought out a Finding Dory poster.

“How’d that get in there?” DeGeneres asked.

“This is not supposed to be in here, Andy,” DeGeneres said of the animated sequel to Disney-Pixar’s 2005 smash Finding Nemo. “This is the brand new poster for Finding Dory and it’ll be in theaters in June, and I’ll show you this poster next year when it’s nominated for Best Picture.”

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Andy Lassner, Ellen DeGeneres, The Ellen DeGeneres ShowMichael Rozman/Warner Bros.

Back to this year’s nominees…

“This is Mad Max: Fury Road. This movie stars Charlize Theron and she’s a woman who went a little too crazy with the eyeliner,” she teased. “If you like the sound of mufflers, you’re going to love this movie.” The poster for Room makes it look “like a sweet, sweet movie,” according to DeGeneres. “This is the only moment of the film that isn’t upsetting. They called this ‘the least feel good movie of the year.’ It’s about a woman who is stuck in a room with her son and can’t get out. If you feel like crying for two weeks straight, see this movie.” Spotlight, she joked, is “another wildly uplifting movie. It’s about reporters in Boston who uncover the scandal inside the Catholic Church. So, if you feel like crying for three weeks, this is the movie for you.”

DeGeneres seems to have high hopes for The Revenant, starring Leonardo DiCaprio. “It has the most nominations of any movie this year, and the most bears,” the daytime talk show host joked. “I looked up the word ‘revenant’ and it means ‘It’s Leo’s year.’ That’s what it means.”

“Here’s The Martian, and I think everybody knows what The Martian is about. Matt Damon gets stuck on Mars,” she said. “It was such a big hit that we already worked on the sequel.” DeGeneres then showed a previously aired trailer for The Martian’s “sequel,” Stuck on Uranus.

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