Twitter user Patrick Burtchaell says his roommate received an email from one of the tech company’s recruiters previewing Microsoft’s plans for Internapalooza, an annual gathering of tech apprentices. The note is teeming with words #brands often associate with Millennials, such as “hella,” “drank” and “bae.”
My roommate received this email from a Microsoft recruiter today. pic.twitter.com/90Qwr78eGO
— Patrick Burtchaell (@pburtchaell) July 6, 2016
The last time Microsoft flirted with Millennial culture, it ended up creating a Twitter AI that turned xenophobic within hours of launch.
But what does Kim’s message mean? A Microsoft spokesperson seemingly confirmed its legitimacy by telling Gizmodo that it was “poorly worded” and “not in keeping with our values as a company.”
In order to decipher those values, we’ll need to translate the email. Fortunately, some of us are fluent in Millennial-speak. Let’s start at the top.
Hey bae intern! <3
Translation: Greetings, young professional.
Bae, as Oxford describes it, is a “person’s boyfriend or girlfriend.” But it’s also been used as an adjective replacement for such words as awesome and cool. Some say the word is an acronym for “Before Anyone Else,” although that explanation only took off after bae entered popular usage.
Also, not to be confused with BAE Systems, a cyber defense contractor.
Hi! I am Kim, a Microsoft University Recruiter.
Translation: Hello. My name is Kim. I’m a Microsoft University recruiter.
Pretty self explanatory.
My crew is coming down from our HQ in Seattle to hang out with you and the crowd of bay area interns at Internapalooza on 7/11.
Translation: My colleagues and I are visiting you and your fellow San Francisco Bay-area apprentices from Microsoft headquarters near Seattle. (We’re actually stationed in Redmond, Washington.) We arrive on July 11 in the Lord’s year, 2016, for the annual gathering of the interns known as Internapalooza.
Those of you out in the metro-area suburbs can relate to that first sentence. When you’re traveling to any other part of the U.S., it’s way easier to say you’re from Portland than, say, Beaverton, Hillsboro or even a town on the fringe like McMinnville.
BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, we’re throwing an exclusive after party the night of the event at our San Francisco office and you’re invited.
No translation necessary here. This sentence is in plain English. (The all-caps is a bit much, though.)
Note: The Youths have taken to spelling “though” as “tho” lately. Just FYI.
There will be hella noms, lots of dranks, the best beats and just like last year, we’re breaking out the Yammer beer pong tables!
Translation: There will be tons of food, plenty to drink and some great music playing. Much like last year, we’ll be playing beer pong on a table supplied by — and branded for — our proprietary social network.
The word “hella,” as adopted by the dictionary, is simply a synonym for “extremely,” which doesn’t make sense here. Some folks tend to use it on its own when they mean “hella awesome” or simply when saying there’s a lot of something.
“Drank,” although officially the past tense of drink, has lately been associated with all manner of alcoholic beverages. Its most common use, however, is as a shortform way of talking about “purple drank,” a concoction made with cough syrup and soda.
It’s anyone’s guess what Kim is talking about when referring to the “best beats.” Either there was a DJ on site playing a collection of popular music or a pre-authorized playlist broadcasting from a stereo system.
Sometimes, a company will roll out merchandise — or, in this case, a beer pong table — with logos of its services in an effort to get employees to adopt said services. And beer pong is a game made much more interesting with the use of Roombas.
HELL YES TO GETTING LIT ON A MONDAY NIGHT.
Translation: Huzzah! We’re drinking on a weeknight!
And that’s everything you wanted to know but were afraid to ask about corporate Millennial-speak.